Done Talking
by piratewench78
Summary: "Deacon, why are you on this tour?" What leads up to that kiss.


_You can kiss me in the moonlight  
On the rooftop under the sky, or  
You can kiss me with the windows open  
While the rain comes pouring inside  
Kiss me in sweet slow motion  
Let's let everything slide  
You got me floating, you got me flying_

 _ **~Deacon~**_

 _You need to do what you love. Isn't that why you got sober? Isn't that what kept you sober?_ That's what Juliette said to him, while he was sprawled on his couch, in the midst of the destruction he'd wrought after Rayna left. He and Rayna had played nice for a while, but they had finally laid it all out there. The hurt, the pain, the disappointment. And although he hadn't wanted to listen to Juliette – didn't really, in fact, in the moment – there was some truth there. It was time to accept that whatever he and Rayna had had, all those years ago, whatever he'd hoped might still be there, it wasn't happening.

He was a songwriter. He was a musician. And if he sat where he was right then, there was a really good chance he'd piss twelve plus years of sobriety right down the toilet. Yeah, he'd be faced with Rayna Jaymes every damn day, if he went on that tour, but she'd made it clear that she had made a choice, all those years ago. And that choice hadn't been Deacon Claybourne. And it wasn't going to be Deacon Claybourne today.

The truth was that he'd gotten sober for Rayna and he stayed sober for Rayna, hoping for something that he now realized wasn't going to happen. All she saw, when she looked at him, was the drunk he'd been before that fifth time in rehab. It was all she'd ever see. He totally got it now.

* * *

Rayna had been quick to tell him that, because she had to fire him, she'd also had to cancel her tour. "You just put us in such a terrible position, Deacon," she had said. She sounded less angry than she had the night before at the country club, but he could also hear the fear behind her voice. She tried to cover it, but he could hear it.

"I ain't the only one who did that, Rayna," he said. He knew he should just let it go, but he wanted her to acknowledge that she'd felt something. That she'd wanted something more, just like he had.

"That's just ridiculous," she had responded, sounding testy.

He had breathed out. "Well, whatever it was, I guess it's done now, huh? Like you said. We're done." He knew he sounded flippant.

"I didn't have a choice, Deacon," she said angrily.

He clenched his jaw. "'Course you did, Ray. You always had a choice." He knew, at that point, they were talking about more than just her firing him from her band or canceling the tour. They both did. It was the shorthand they'd always had when talking to each other, that ability to say so much without having to be explicit.

He pictured her on the other end of the phone, tears in her eyes, questioning her decision but then pulling herself together to make the hard choices, just like she always did. "I have my girls to think about," she said quietly.

He breathed out. "Right."

She was silent, but he could hear her breathing. He thought she was probably in her car, that this was not a conversation she would have where Teddy or the girls could hear it. "Damn it, Deacon," she said finally. "You just pushed too hard. You know the position I'm in, especially with Teddy running for mayor."

He smiled, a bitter smile, and shook his head. "Nah, Rayna. You just ain't ever gonna see me as nobody other than that pitiful drunk you sent off to rehab all those times. These past twelve years don't mean nothing."

"That's not true!" she cried and he could hear tears in her voice.

He felt bad then. "Look, I'm sorry. But you're right. It's time to move on. So I will."

"I wish it didn't have to be this way." Her voice sounded tiny and heartbroken.

He steeled himself against giving in to her. It was what he always did when they fought and then she was contrite. He thought maybe it was time to not do that anymore. "But it is," he said finally. "I'll see you around, Ray." And then he disconnected.

He hadn't counted on how hard it would be to untangle himself from her. For every step forward, it felt like two steps back. He wondered if he'd ever be able to completely cut the cord. But he knew he had to try.

 _ **~Rayna~**_

Ironically, it really was the night, before she went out on the tour, when Teddy had stood up to her father about Maddie, that it all became crystal clear to her. She loved Teddy, but it was more that she loved what Teddy had done for her and for the life he'd given her and the girls, although mostly what he'd done for Maddie. The marriage had been mostly solid for all those years. She would never tell him all the times she had looked at him and wished he were Deacon. Or all the times he made love to her and she imagined Deacon instead. She understood that she had kept a part of herself separate from him and that, in her own way, she had cheated him out of the kind of marriage and family that he probably deserved. Maybe he wouldn't have embezzled money, maybe he wouldn't have done whatever it was he was doing with Peggy Kenter, if she had truly loved him. If she had cherished and treasured him the way a husband should be. The way he had obviously felt about her.

But, as she told him, she wasn't happy. Hadn't been happy for a while. And she knew he wasn't either. She felt certain they were headed down a path that would lead to divorce, but she wasn't yet sure what the trigger would be for that, what the line in the sand would be. What she did know was that she was ready for this tour, even as she dreaded doing it with Juliette Barnes, because it would let her breathe. She would be away from this and, although she was a little freaked out to have a new lead guitar player, away from her still complicated feelings for and about Deacon.

 _ **~Deacon~**_

He couldn't quite let her go completely. It didn't surprise him, really. It had always been this way though. Back for as long as they'd known each other, but even more so now that they weren't together. The connection they had, the instinct they had, to know what the other needed, when they needed to just put aside whatever it was that had pushed them apart and be there for each other.

She was his family.

The family he'd been born into had defined him early. He'd turned into an alcoholic like his father, as much as he'd tried not to be. He'd tried hard to be a better man and there were times when he succeeded, but only because Rayna believed in him. His mother had loved him and his sister, but she hadn't been able to protect them, in the end. And his sister had turned out like his mother, damaged and scarred. But he had escaped that, the night he'd met Rayna at the Bluebird, although he hadn't realized it immediately. It didn't take long, though, before he had understood that their souls were entwined with each other.

It was the one thing she had said to him, after she'd outlined all the rules and the boundaries for how they would work together. He had asked her why she was doing this, why she wanted him back in her band, after everything. "We're family, Deacon," she'd said, with a shrug. "In spite of everything, we'll always be family."

So when the stories hit the news about Peggy Kenter trying to commit suicide and the whispers about the nature of her association with Teddy, he immediately worried about Rayna. No matter what they were going through professionally, she mattered to him. They met where they often did to talk.

She looked better than he'd thought she would. She had sounded tired on the phone when he'd called, but she smiled at him. "Thanks for calling," she said.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he said.

She nodded. "I am." He didn't really think she was, but this was her way. To be fine, even when she wasn't. Because she was strong that way. Had always been. She would never have survived all those years with him if she'd couldn't be strong. But he knew, deep down inside, that she was anything but okay.

"So it's true then?" he asked.

"Sort of," she responded. She looked at him. "It's complicated."

"Complicated. That's the last thing I ever thought he was." She'd told him that, more than once, early on, when she'd explained why she dated him, why she married him. That Teddy Conrad was _not_ complicated, like he was.

Rayna made a dismissive noise. "Well, we've still got two daughters who think he hung the moon." As though she was backed into a corner because of her family. Which was always her biggest obstacle.

He looked at her. He could see the strain around her eyes and even though she was trying to downplay it, he could see the tension in her body. "Anything I can do?"

She looked at him and smiled, a sadness around her eyes. "No." Then she turned the conversation around, asked about him, and he told her he was thinking about joining the Revel Kings. She encouraged him to do it and he realized, once again, that their paths were going to take them in different directions.

In the end, she hugged him, one of those hugs that went on a little bit too long and had a little bit more unspoken words behind it. A hug that spoke of history and longing and regret. Then she stepped back and looked at him, saying more with her eyes than she ever said with words. She mustered a smile and a wave and she headed off to her car. He stood and watched until she drove off and disappeared.

 _ **~Rayna~**_

When Bucky handed her the Tremelo issue with the story about Deacon, all her protective instincts kicked in. It was like muscle memory – when Deacon was in trouble, she wanted to fix it. It implied he'd fallen off the wagon and it somehow made her feel responsible. She'd fired him, pushed him away, tried to move on. Liam had been right about her being scared to perform without Deacon, although she had not wanted to admit it.

She had thought it was a good move for him, going to the Revel Kings. Even though she knew they were a hard living band, she'd wanted him to have his own moment to shine, not having to be in her shadow. After she read the article and handed the magazine back to Bucky, she'd stared out the window of the plane. One of the main reasons she'd taken him back in her band – other than the fact that there was no one better than Deacon Claybourne on the guitar – was that she still felt she needed to take care of him. She'd felt guilty – for not being there when he got out of rehab, for marrying Teddy. For having his child and not telling him. So she took care of him the only way she could. And now she wasn't and she was scared.

* * *

When she got to his house, he was putting a for sale sign in the yard, talking about going to the cabin for a while. He was doing what he'd so often done in the past – overreacting, quitting, leaving, walking away when things got tough. All the things he'd done back when he was drinking and didn't want her to know or didn't want to face up to what he was doing. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she went through her litany of questions – was he working the program, going to meetings, seeing his sponsor – all of which just made him angry.

"Why are you so angry with me?" she asked as he turned and walked away from her.

He turned back. "Why am I angry with you?" He walked back towards her. "I don't know, Ray, maybe because every time I turn around you're, like, firing me or breaking up with me or telling me I need to go see what's around the next bend in the river, some crap like that. Maybe that's why."

He was right. That's all she'd been saying, all she'd been doing, for so long. She looked up at him. "It's because I want you to be happy," she said, knowing that probably wasn't good enough.

"What, like you're happy? With Teddy?"

She shook her head. "Don't do that."

He gave her a dismissive laugh and turned away, starting back to his house. Then he turned back again and walked towards her. "I forgot to ask you. You ever find out if he was cheating on you?"

"He isn't," she said, stubbornly, knowing that likely wasn't true.

"Well. Guess you made the right choice then, huh?" he asked, his eyes cold. "Him over me?"

She didn't want to go down this path with him again, rehashing their history, and yet she did. Painfully. "I didn't know the fifth time in rehab was actually gonna take," she finished, feeling all those old emotions bubbling up to the surface.

He shrugged. "You lost faith in me. You did then, you did now."

She was dumbfounded. "I never lost faith in you. And I've not lost faith in you now." He was looking at her like he didn't believe any of it and, if she were honest with herself, she couldn't completely blame him. "And you got sober. But I'll tell you what, it's conversations like this that make it so that I can't, I can't _do_ this with you." She couldn't get into these same patterns with him.

He stared at her a moment, then said, quietly, "Then don't do it." He raised his eyebrows at her and turned and walked away.

She watched him as he went back into his house and had this awful feeling that she was losing him in a way she never had before.

 _ **~Deacon~**_

So he took Juliette up on her offer. He finally decided to hell with it. To hell with Rayna. He was tired of walking on eggshells around her, tired of waiting, for just what he wasn't sure anymore. If she really was serious, that he needed to go find what was around the bend or move on with his life, then that's what he was going to do. He knew it would probably piss her off and make her uncomfortable, but Juliette was right. He was a musician. He was a songwriter. And he needed to do those things. Why not do them with Juliette Barnes.

When he ran through the private airport, he saw Teddy and the girls. He smiled a little to himself as he headed across the tarmac, thinking that he was probably getting Teddy's goat again, then stopped himself, wondering why it even mattered anymore. When he got on the plane, he saw Rayna whisper to Bucky, a frown on her face. He looked at her. "I'm not here for your band," he said.

Juliette turned in her seat. "He's joining mine," she said.

He could see the confusion, the panic in Rayna's face. He slipped on his sunglasses and turned to look out the window.

He would never tell her that his stomach was turning flip flops the entire time.

 _ **~Rayna~**_

She was beyond annoyed at Deacon for being in Juliette's band. She knew he was reacting to their fight. She was sure Teddy had seen him and would assume he was there for her. She was pissed that Juliette called her out for not being able to even look at her the whole way to Chicago. But she'd be damned if she'd let Miss Sparkly Pants know how much it got to her.

But she couldn't stop thinking about him being here. She couldn't stop talking about it, even though she wanted to. And then when she ran for the elevator, there he was. She almost let it go, but she decided she wasn't going to let him know it bothered her that he was there. He kept his eyes on the floor numbers and she looked off into space. She could hardly breathe and yet she could smell his scent. She could feel the heat emanating off of him and it nearly drove her to her knees. But she was determined not to let him know how much he was getting to her. She tried to appear nonchalant, glancing over at him, shrugging her shoulders, acting like it was no big deal. And he kept ignoring her, watching the floor numbers change. Then he picked up his guitar, stepped forward, and practically ran off the elevator when the doors opened for his floor.

As the elevator doors closed, she felt a little sick to her stomach.

 _ **~Deacon~**_

He really never thought the day would come when he would purposely ignore Rayna Jaymes. But he still smarted from the things she'd said to him the day she dropped by his house and he didn't want her to know she still got to him. When she got on the elevator, he'd considered getting off, but he didn't want to give her the satisfaction. But being that close to her and not acknowledging her in any way had been much harder than he'd thought.

Being in Juliette's band was harder than he'd thought it would be too. He didn't feel like he fit in with the glitz and glamour. Sure, Rayna often dressed in the same sparkly dresses, but somehow that had felt different. Her shows were always more stripped down anyway. Then he caught himself. He didn't want to compare the two. He just wanted to do his job.

Of course then Rayna had to tell him it was all awkward having him on the tour. It had started off okay, with her asking him to show her new guitar player something. It made him think maybe they could be professional with each other. But then she had to pick at him, question why he was on Juliette's tour. "I'll try to stay outta your way," he'd said.

* * *

The next day when he got on the elevator to go downstairs, she was there again. He guessed she was trying to act like nothing was going on, because this time she spoke to him. But he was determined to do what he'd told her and stay out of her way. He wasn't going to let her goad him into doing or saying something he would regret. She started babbling on about Scarlett, as though nothing had happened between them. He just kept his eyes away from her. Then she decided to needle him about working with Juliette, so he stepped forward to the door, ready to walk out as soon as they reached the lobby level.

This was a big damn hotel and a big damn city. Why the hell did he keep running into Rayna Jaymes?

 _ **~Rayna~**_

He made her want to stomp her feet and have a childish hissy fit. First of all, why the hell did he join Juliette's tour? He knew it would get under her skin and she was certain that was why he'd done it. She knew he'd been pissed off when she had been at his house but she had been blown away when he showed up on the plane. Then she'd had to do damage control with Teddy and she didn't think that had gone particularly well.

And then he couldn't seem to not be on the same elevator she was on. It made her want to have a tantrum, but she knew she couldn't give in. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing it was getting to her.

When Liam had refused to wear the cowboy boots she'd bought him, he'd told her it was because they didn't make him Deacon. His comment that she liked stale and boring had gotten under her skin. His observation that she stayed with stale and boring and fantasized about something else had pissed her off. Mainly because he'd seen something she thought she was hiding from everyone.

Watty was the latest person to tell her that he thought she and Deacon going their separate ways was a good thing. It probably was, but then why didn't she feel good about it? She hated seeing him on stage with someone else, hated seeing him on stage with Juliette Barnes. In her head, she knew she had no right to be angry or hurt or upset or whatever it was she was feeling. But her heart felt shattered. He had just always been there. It wasn't the same, being on stage without him.

She was all by herself but she looked around anyway. Then she stomped her foot. She frowned. That hadn't helped.

* * *

She walked back through the lobby and got on the elevator, pressing her floor. The doors were almost closed and then suddenly they opened and Deacon got on. _Good God, again?_ She was tired of him not talking to her and she just wanted to know why he was doing this. Again, he was looking above the elevator door and not at her. She sighed. "Can I just ask you something? What in the hell are you doing on this tour?" He didn't answer her. "Deacon…."

He turned towards her then and pushed her against the wall, kissing her hard. He put his hand on her neck and she let hers graze his shoulder. When he pulled away, she said, "I just need to know what you're doing…."

"Rayna, I'm done talking," he said, and then he kissed her again.

And then she was kissing him back, running her hands up and down his back. She couldn't get enough of him and she pressed herself against him, unable to get enough of his lips and his tongue and the feel of him against her body. And then the elevator door opened. He pulled his lips from hers, then kissed her once more and walked out, leaving her breathless.

She pressed the floor button and sank back against the elevator wall.

 _ **~Deacon~**_

Now they both knew why he was on this tour. He was tired of waiting.

 _ **A/N: The song lyrics are from 'This Kiss' by Faith Hill.**_

 _ **I have been feeling some nostalgic pulls back to the early seasons and have wanted to fill in some Deacon/Rayna blanks from back then. Thanks for indulging me. More to come.**_


End file.
